Lately, there’s been some invisible chaos going on. It’s something I can’t particularly be open about and something that’s out of my control. It’s also something that, if it came down to, would change my life. While trying to prioritize my own life, I’ve also had to lowkey do some mental preparation, just in case. I don’t handle high stress very well so I have to do what I can to keep it chill.
Between my own life and this situation, I haven’t had time for everything I’d like to do. It’s been a bit tough telling myself what’s the most important right now and being honest about what has to be on the backburner, without feeling guilty or convincing myself that I can handle all of it. It’s also been a bit tough trying not to be so earnest and allowing myself to have a laugh without feeling like I’m not taking my shit seriously.
I’m not a fan of baths but sometimes you just have to be like, I can’t handle shit right now so I’m going to sit in a bathtub filled with bubbles and epsom salt. I’m going to turn on some chill ass music and light some candles. I’m going to sit in it with my thoughts, my feelings and I will get out when I feel like it.
Sometimes I only need to do this for fifteen minutes and go, yeah that’s enough. Sometimes I’ve turned into a raisin. It doesn’t matter.
The last time I did it, I drank a bunch of wine out of a mug and ate my dinner out of a cake pan because I just fucking felt like it. In the dark, the eating was kind of difficult but it was calming. I managed to calm my tits down.
I haven’t been taking care of myself like I’d like to and I pay attention to my body because that’s what pays the price. If I can’t get to the gym with the time and energy I have, I might as well soothe it.
Then you give yourself a pep talk in the mirror and look at your sticky notes.