Hello, My Thirties!

I’ve been 30 for a couple of months now. To another decade, which I’ve committed to making great. I’m a late bloomer so my glow up game is only just starting and that’s not a bad thing. It’s going to happen with the audacity that I didn’t have in my 20s.

I’ve worked through a lot of issues in the past couple of years. I haven’t always stayed on track but that doesn’t mean that progress wasn’t happening. I’ve worked hard to grow as a person from who I was and where I was. I’ve been learning to ask for help from supportive people instead of hiding and telling myself I need to deal with things alone. I don’t feel foreign or as empty as I used to. I’m learning coping mechanisms that are healthy and not destructive. I don’t hate myself like I used to. I no longer have my deep-rooted penchant for douchebags because I focus on my well-being instead of chasing them for affection. I’m learning to be more authentic even though I get anxiety about being uncool. I’ve come to be more open about the anxiety and depression I go through.

I’ve learned to not be so timid yet not confrontational with my opinions. Like, I hate the term “Dirty 30s”. I don’t know where it came from but I feel like those who use it look back at high school with misplaced nostalgia. Or become moms who call wine “mommy juice”. I’ve tried for years to pretend to myself that I can get into camping so I’d have more in common with people and I’ve given that up. I think it’s some white people shit and I’m not into it. I’m pretty judgmental but I don’t force it to be everyone else’s business. My biological clock has yet to start ticking and I’m not sure if it ever will. At least not for the mere sake of reproducing.

I’d like to feel sexy in my 30s. I want to feel it with my confidence rather than as a way to chase my youth. I don’t want my youth back. I want to take care of myself enough to embrace aging and feel like I’m better than some or most of the youth. I don’t want to waste the rest of my life wishing I was young again. I think it’s so weird.

I’d like to be intentional, not incidental.

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