Holiday Season

I totally didn’t take my not drinking seriously. I didn’t mean to. I wasn’t expecting to spend time with my family for the holidays and what better family activity than drinking? I think my dad’s pretty disapproving of it because I’ve never really drunk around him ever. He commented dryly that I can drink my wine pretty well. I think it’s not something that he’s used to and to him, it’s not very ladylike but it’s okay. I think with this recent trip, we’re starting to accept each other more even though we don’t know how to communicate. It’s still awkward but it’s not as bad as it used to be. I think his baby mama and my baby sister have a lot to do with it. It went better than I was expecting and I think it’s the first real time I’ve spent with both my brother and my dad in two decades.

I think this is the most solid family feeling I’ve felt with them since childhood. Especially when we facetime’d my mum. Her and my dad’s baby mama seem to get along and there was laughter. We’ve definitely come a long way. My baby sister is a handful but I appreciate that we’re a village for her because it takes one. I know it’s not always going to be like this but it’s nice when it does happen.

I even spoke to some of my relatives that I haven’t talked to in over a decade. Some of them I don’t remember. Also, to be honest, it’s nice to hear them say I’m looking pretty these days instead of commenting on how chubby my face looks. It’s all I heard any time I talked to them. Of course, they’re asking me about dating, marriage, guys, etc. I used to get upset about it but now I just shrug it off and say it’s not the right time. One of my aunts advised me not to marry someone too handsome to which I told her that won’t be a problem since I seem to think people with horse faces are handsome.

My face has been busted this last week because I redid my eyebrows and then did my lips. I wasn’t doing it right the first couple of times so on the third try, my lips looked like I got a shit ton of botox. Everything is beginning to properly heal now, thank goodness. It made my skin super dry though so I’ve been constantly trying to keep it moisturize and avoiding going out.

I took a bit of an L the other night by getting blacked out drunk. This is the second time it’s happened with this person. The first time caused some awkwardness but I’m hoping this time he understands I’m just an idiot when I hit that point. I didn’t mean to. I think I just get nervous about hanging out with him so I end up drinking too much and there’s a part of me that is trying to be chill and I end up being embarrassing. I did surprise myself by managing to cook blacked out. Like chopping meat and vegetables and making a meal. I don’t remember it at all. I don’t think I ate any of it. My drunk ass tried to take care of my later hungover ass and I appreciate that. Thanks, drunk me. It tasted bomb.

Tomorrow is New Years and I’m going to be spending it with family, in the form of my best friend. Three New Years ago, I rung in 2016 sobbing on his floor after he picked me up from my shitty boyfriend at the time. It was awful. I was a mess. I just cried and cried and cried. He waited outside for me for almost an hour because I couldn’t get the nerves to leave the situation I was in. Thankfully this is nowhere near the case this time around. It’s been a while since I had a good New Years so I’m looking forward to this even though it’s going to be a chill night. Hopefully, unlike last year, I’ll make it to midnight.


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