You know, right now… I’m totally okay with the weight gain. In fact, I kind of like it. It’s not something I usually find myself saying. I’m definitely not down with it enough to have photos of me taken, let’s get real, but I don’t mind how I look. The chubs can stay a bit. If only my tits grew as well.
I think part of the okayness is wearing clothes that fit more comfortably. I mean, I’m okay in smaller sizes but when my weight fluctuates it doesn’t look good. So I’ve instead very recently started buying a size up so it can accommodate both ends of my weights. My shoe game got an upgrade but still no room for high heels.
2019 is going to be my glow up year. I’ve made the decision to embrace my looks to the authenticity I feel. I’ve realized I’m not really one for natural beauty on myself. I admire people who are but it’s not for me. I’m not really into reconstructing my entire face either. I’m just into what I’m able to optimize efficiently on my own. I think I like the accountability on it and maybe if I continue to lean more into that, I’ll get somewhere.
I’ve also begun to realize that if I don’t do this, I’m never going to find someone who is suited for me. If they were attracted to be, it’d be falsely. It’s like, keeping my naturally straight hair and having a guy like me for that even though I don’t like it and prefer my usual permed hair. It’s a disagreement based on something that belongs to me. If I embrace what I prefer on myself and someone likes me for that then there’s no anxiety about appearances or worry about changing myself. And vice versa. I want someone who’s true to themselves too. This mindset shifted the close look at my patience for low quality guys.
Okay, my ride is here.