In This Past Year, I’ve Learned…

  • How to do my own fake nails, eyebrows (not yet perfected), lips (happy with subtle results), perm my eyelashes (50/50 success rate so far), tape-in my own extensions (which I no longer need) and successfully wash but not wash my hair once or twice a week without it going too greasy. For someone who used to be really clueless and dumb about any of these things… It’s a feat.
  • Why a shoe game is important but at the same time, realizing I’m not a high heels type of girl. I’m more of a booty wearing type. I think because I tend to walk often, comfort is my priority. I’ve also learned I hate open or peekaboo toes. Maybe it’s because my feet aren’t nice. Maybe it’s because of the one time I sent a picture of my feet to a guy with a foot fetish and he never talked to me again.
  • How to dress more confidently. I’ve never really had a great sense of style and it’s something I’ve struggled with a lot. This is still ongoing but it’s getting better. It’s going to get a lot better because I’m starting to understand it more. Not only that, I’m getting more comfortable with my body and it shows. It’s maturing.
  • What it’s like to date someone with a kid though who I dated wasn’t a good example or experience of it. The brief experience did show me that I’m okay with it, depending on the situation. It sort of reinforced that I don’t have a biological clock because I don’t feel the urge to be a primary figure but am okay with the supportive role.
  • If I spit into a cup for an hour, I will lose 300 grams and no matter how much I pee beforehand, I will still pee myself doing heavy sumos.
  • Not to think so much with my vagina because it doesn’t get fulfilled the way a dick does and it just leads to disappointment and some fun. Based on almost all the experiences I had last year, I’m way better off (and have much more fun) with myself. It’s certainly less of a headache and I have less anxiety.
  • Speaking of anxiety, I’ve learned that sometimes I have to admit to myself that I don’t have the proper coping mechanisms for things that trigger me into the deep end of depression or anxiety and that it’s okay for assistance. It’s okay that my anti-depressant doses are pretty high right now and it’s not shameful that I can be paralyzed and genuinely unable to function when it gets bad. Maybe I’ll need them forever. Maybe I’ll just need them for a while like last time. There was a lot on my plate behind the scenes last year. It’s not something to share with every single person but I am learning to talk about it.
  • Gangnam Style wasn’t a one-off hit for me. I really like Psy’s music a lot. I didn’t know he came back a year ago but I’m happy I re-discovered him. I’ve been learning the dances. And seriously, Lee Byunghun in I Luv It? COME ON.
  • What my basic expectations for a relationship are. Like, actually. Maybe I’ll write about it soon.
  • I can be pretty embarrassing when I try to hold back my lameness to appear chill or cool. It’s pretty cringy, tbh. It’s like this default act I put on because I don’t know what to do and it’s something I need to learn to knock off. It gets even worse when I get anxious as shit about it after and get low reassurance about it.
  • I have a home that feels like mine and it can be inviting. I’ve never really had a comfortable or stable feeling of this.
  • I’m not a genius but I’m pretty good at picking things up quickly. I learned this when I finally got over my fear of driving and mostly confident about it instead. I’ve mostly forgotten what I’ve learn (ha) but I won’t be scared when I pick it up again.

To be continued.

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