Mindless Entry

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My microphone arrived. I’m digging it so far except for that it’s fucking loud when you turn it on or off. There’s no way to get around this so that’s kind of annoying but other than that, it’s pretty good. Let the serenading no one asked for begin!

I’m getting my squat confidence back. I used to be pretty nervous to hit depth because I’d struggle with the midpoint. I still do but not to the extent that I used to. My strength is getting back up there and hopefully, it stays there when my weight goes back down.

That’s 175lbs for a single. I managed to do three sets of this. The next step is to be able to do those sets for doubles. Eventually, I’d like to be able to go 3×3 with them. My control has gotten better. I’ve had to start from the bottom up so many times but I think this time my efforts will keep progressing forward instead of getting in my own way and regressing backward so this feeling’s pretty nice.

I’m hella procrastinating on doing cardio because it’s just so much effort and I’m lazy. I’m also the most depressing person on the treadmill and my exasperation with it is melodramatic.

I’ve been watching a lot of Korean movies in an attempt to keep a low profile and not spend money.

The ones I liked so far:

  • The Thieves
  • Cold Eyes (though, I’m not sure others will)
  • Veteran
  • The Divine Move
  • Swindlers (It’s alright, I just really like Park Sung-Woong)

I’m in the middle of New World and so far it’s pretty good.

I’ve been gaining more and more light in my life at the moment. It’s crazy to reflect that I was in such a dark spot just a couple of months ago. I’m grateful for my friends who were patient with me through it to allow me to process and get through it. I didn’t feel expected to pretend to be better and I think that level of support helped me finally get over this hump I’ve struggled with for a long, long time. I’m finally able to be vulnerable without compromising myself or my values because I know how to do it appropriately now. My anti-depressants are allowing me to process how to cope without the anxiety taking over. It was tough to let this all happen but I’m grateful because I know for certain I will never allow myself to be that wreck or get wrecked like I was or had been in the past.

I feel like I’m finally no longer just surviving. I feel like I’m about ready to thrive. It’s going to be fun.

 

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