Life Lately…

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  • I’ve been having fun this year so far. It’s been a fun kind of feeling that I haven’t had in a long, long time. It’s more flow going rather than forced feeling. It’s more experiences rather than just drinking, you know? It doesn’t feel awkward. It’s not often because I still don’t get out much but it’s enough. I dig it.
  • I really like my new job. It fits where I can play on my strength. Working at this company has been a new experience that I’m not quite used to. But it’s a good one though. My boss told me he’s surprised that I didn’t do any post-secondary education because I’ve got a bright mind. It meant a lot to me since I spent most of my life genuinely thinking I was pretty dumb.
  • I also really like my coworkers. It’s a pretty quiet office when we’re working but outside of it, they’re really fun. Some of us went to Science World recently and it was soooo much fun. We were like a bunch of kids drinking alcohol. I’m not used to making friends at work, at least ones to hang out outside of it with. To be honest, it’s not usually my thing but I dig this. I’m going with one of them to see ALI WONG. MILK AND MONEYYY!
  • I’ve been feeling pretty blue about my financial situation. I know once I get my first paycheck it will all be okay. Right now, I go through waves of depression about it that I have to ride through. It’ll be okay. I just need to wait for the evidence for the okay feeling to sink in.
  • I feel like I’m at a reset with who I am lately. Like, I’m less anxious and awkward about how I’m supposed to be around people. I’m also not feeling uncomfortable repressing the obnoxious side of me. It’s just a part of me. It’s not a bad thing. But it can be annoying and it’s not for everyone. But those who are okay with it, I have a lot of fun with. I feel like I’m back at the feeling I had when I was younger, where all I did was make out with everyone and throw up from too much enthusiastic drinking. I mean, I’m not doing that but it’s the same feeling with duh, more maturity. There wasn’t worry or any expectations. It was just being an idiot and laughing.
  • I spent years and years putting in a lot of efforts into meh execution of done up. It was kind of like being a character; one that changes every year or so. It was usually with an intention of being attractive or pretty even though I don’t think I ever did really pull it off as what I had in my head. But lately, it’s been more about what I like without the accompanied wishful hope that someone else will like it too and if that doesn’t happen, I failed. I’ve replaced “I will attempt to be a way that someone will like” to Amy Poehler’s words of “I don’t fucking care if you like it.”
  • I’ve gotten off track with my eating better but I think it’s the low-key anxiety about my feet not yet both on the ground. It won’t be forever. Just like being away from the gym won’t be forever. This is just lately.

 

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